Armed and Dangerous
by magicormuggle
Summary: Arthur and Gilbert get caught with drugs and are sent to jail where they meet their officers, Tony and Francis, who seem to have a different plan for the two convicts.


Opium just wasn't as popular as it used to be.

Arthur Kirkland somehow found himself against the hood of his car, handcuffed.

Although "Officer Tony" seemed like a rather friendly fellow, today he wasn't in the mood for games. "You have the right to remain silent, amigos. Everything you say will be used against you."

Then Arthur was roughly shoved in the back of a police car with his friend Gilbert and shipped off to jail.

Two days later, the criminals found their place at the front of a court.

Their judge was a handsome German who acted like someone has shoved the gavel up his ass.

The jury consisted of a tall Russian and three smaller, less scary Baltics.

Arthur briefly wondered when the court system had become so multi-cultural but was shaken out of it by the hammering from their judge.

"Order! I said order damnit! Ahem…thank you. This court has hereby found Gilbert Beilschmidt and his accomplice, Arthur Kirkland guilty as charged with two years in prison and limited parole."

"How fucking unawesome!" Gilbert shouted, getting drug off by Tony.

"Calm down amigo."

Both were given orange jumpsuits and marched to their cells.

"This is so stupid and unawesome!" Gilbert screamed from his cell.

"Here we are." Tony said, leading Arthur into cell 113.

Well, if that wasn't bad luck Arthur wondered what was.

"Enjoy your stay." Tony teased, smiling and locking the cell bars.

Sighing, Arthur listened to Gilbert's ranting until he heard a voice yell, "'ey, Quiet down there!"

The guard's footsteps approached, stopping in front of Gilbert before moving into Arthur's line of sight.

Glaring, Arthur looked at the man. From his voice he was clearly French, much to Arthur's displeasure. He had shoulder-length blonde hair, bright sapphire eyes and some totally pointless chin stubble.

Officer Bonnefoy stopped in front of Arthur's cell, looking at the convict up and down. "Orange is so not your color," he said with a simple flirty smile. This was usually the smile pretty ladies received, but today he was in an all-around flirty mood.

Grabbing his cell bars, Arthur leaned forward and hissed, "You act as if I had a bloody choice."

Officer Bonnefoy shook his head, "Now, now, no need to get an attitude with me," he smiled again.

Arthur glared and resisted the urge to flip the officer off. "Just go away."

Francis smirked a little at the Brit and leaned towards the cell. "You're cute…Those thick eyebrows are just too sexy," he laughed and gave a wave to the Brit before he started to walk back to the office he and Tony shared.

Standing there dumbly, Arthur looked around his little cell before sitting down on the bed and dozing off.

"Tony," Francis called and sat down at the table. "Are you the one who brought in that annoying German and sexy British man?" he asked, as he put his feet up on the table.

Tony, drinking a slushy, walked in and sat down. "Si. They were carrying a bunch of opium." He looked at the blue liquid in his cup suspiciously.

"Who carries opium anymore?" Francis looked at Tony, "What's wrong with your drink?"

"Eh…It's just melted a little." He shrugged and continued to drink. "So why do you ask about the new prisoners? You've never been interested before."

"The Brit is cute," Francis replied. "What do you think; maybe we can 'ave a little fun with those two?"

Antonio grinned, "Tonight? I could use a little fun." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "Alright, obviously you want the Brit, I'd recommend going to the solitary confinement. You know, so the chief doesn't hear."

"Le Chief Leaves in an hour," Francis laughed. "Hope Lovi doesn't mind you playing with the German."

"He wont," Tony said, winking. "Well, I'm taking mine where we can be as loud as we want without the other prisoners starting a riot. They might get jealous you know."

"Oh hon," Francis laughed. "Well aren't you just a sexy Spaniard," he teased. "I will use the solitary confinement, thanks for the tip." He leaned over and kissed Antonio with a smirk.

Tony smiled and put his hat on and stood up, "be nice to the poor Brit," he added, walking out to meet his own prisoner.

Laughing, Francis stood up himself and walked to Arthur's cell. "Come along, you're being moved from your cell tonight," he took the keys out and looked for the key to the cell.

Arthur looked up from where he sat, his hair a mess, "What? Why?"

"Don't ask questions," Francis unlocked the door and stood in front of it, waiting for the shorter male.

"B-But I haven't done anything!" Arthur complained, unwilling to cooperate.

Francis pulled Arthur out of the cell. "Don't ask questions," he repeated, dragging the Brit to the solitary confinement area.

Arthur struggled in the officer's grasp, "Why are you doing this to me!" Just when he'd thought life couldn't get worse.

Francis rolled his eyes, "I 'ave my reasons," he smirked.

Arthur was pushed into solitary, wanting to cry at the sight of the smaller, closed off room.

Francis entered the room and shut the door behind him. "Don't cry," he softly took Arthur's chin in his hand, "You're not in trouble."

"I'm not crying," Arthur hissed, pulling away. "And if I'm not in trouble, why am I in here?"

Smirking a little, Francis grabbed Arthur's chin and purred in his ear, "Because I want you all to myself… And I don't want anyone to get jealous of you." Francis pulled the convict into a rough kiss.

Gasping, Arthur pushed Francis away. "I don't know what the bloody hell you're doing! But I won't go along with it!" He wiped his mouth on his sleeve and back into the wall.

"If you don't I will just leave you in this little room." Francis placed his hands on the wall next to Arthur's head.

Arthur gulped. "Why would I agree with you anyways? What's in it for me?"

"I'll make sure you're 'appy, well fed and maybe I will get you out sooner then you thought." Francis grinned as he licked the outer shell of Arthur's ear.

Gasping, Arthur shook his head, "No, no, I refuse to make out with a frog!"

"That's officer frog to you," Francis winked, laughing. "I'm sure Officer Antonio is giving your German friend the same options."

Glaring, Arthur spat at the other's feet. "I could sue you for police brutality."

Smirking, Francis shook his head, "I can just say it's the drugs you were taking." He shrugged and kissed Arthur again, grinding his hips against the other.

"I wasn't taking...mmf," Arthur protested keeping his mouth shut tightly. "I was selling them!"

"I'm sure you've tried it." The officer grinned as he continued to grind against the convict. "Oh come on, lighten up."

"I will NOT 'lighten up'!" Arthur couldn't help but let out a small moan as Officer Bonnefoy's hard-on rubbed up against his own member.

Letting his hands run down the other's chest, Francis grinned as the other moaned. "Oh, let's just 'ave some fun. I'm sure your friend is enjoying himself." He winked and listened, hearing a faint muffled yelling that was from Antonio and the German.

"Well of course, he's Gilbert." Arthur pressed against the wall a little harder, still afraid.

"Oui, 'e does seem to be that type." Francis laughed a little, "And you're Arthur, 'ow cute of a name." He continued to stand in front of the Brit.

Arthur glared. "Don't act like you're my best friend or something. But I guess if we're on a first name basis, what is your name?"

"Francis," he said with a smile. He leaned closer to Arthur, "Don't glare, you'll give yourself frown lines," he tapped his index finger to Arthur's forehead, before kissing the same spot.

Annoyed, Arthur batted Francis' hand away. "Stop talking to me like I'm dumb! I know I'll get frown lines you twit!"

"I didn't say you were dumb," he pointed out. He kissed Arthur again.

Arthur, still keeping his mouth shut, tried desperately to act like he wasn't getting turned on when really blood was quickly stiffening his cock, making him groan.

Francis felt how the other's cock was getting hard. Undoing the orange jumper suit on the other he smirked, "I can get rid of zat for you."

Shivering from the cold, Arthur shook his head. "Like hell I'm going to let you touch me there!" He grabbed his clothes, trying to put them back on.

Francis smirked, a little and stopped Arthur from redressing, "oh come on, I can help you out with zat problem," he winked and kissed the Brit a few more times.

Arthur writhed in Francis' grasp, wanting nothing more than to be free of the ninny. "I don't. Want. Your help."

Giving a pout, the officer shook his head. "I don't want to have to restrain you," he told him. Francis usually got his way and the Brit wasn't going to stop him from getting what he wanted.

"Just leave me alone," Arthur growled, already feeling way too violated. "Leave me in here to die for all I care. At least I'll die a clean man."

"A clean man? You were selling drugs, I don't find that clean at all." Francis smirked and kissed him again, enjoying the cat and mouse place.

"By clean I meant that I would never have a Frenchman's dick up my arse." The drug thing had always been Gilbert's thing anyway. Arthur had never touched the stuff.

Rolling his blue eyes, Francis shook his head. "You know you would like it," he purred with a smile. "Besides being French means I have some of the best love making skills."

"That's seriously debatable," Arthur was starting to get annoyed by his erection, reaching into his boxers to stroke himself off, moaning as he did so. "Oh hell…"

"Oh? Do you British think you are some of the best lovers?" he challenged with a smirk. Snaking his hand down Arthur's body, he grabbed the erection, smirking again.

"Nnn!" Arthur bucked into the other's hand. "We don't brag about it, if that's what you…Ah!...mean."

Giving a grin, Francis continued. "There isn't much to brag about with you brits," he muttered and kissed Arthur's neck then started to give the smaller blond a hickie.

"What's that…Ow!...supposed to mean?" Arthur nipped back at the other's neck, trying to get even.

Shrugging, Francis groaned as the other bit him. Happy with the bruise he had left. "I mean, you Brits aren't the best lovers in the world."

"That's because the damn French are always stealing the damn spotlight," Arthur retorted. "now could we please get on with it, since I don't have a choice? I'm getting blue balls here."

Rolling his eyes, Francis shook his head, "You're finally willing?" he teased and pulled the pair of boxers down, he then slid down to his knees and took the British men's erection in his mouth, giving a long lick up the shaft.

"Willing my arse!" He began to steadily thrust into the other's mouth, grabbing onto Francis' wavy hair. "More like forced at gunpoint."

"You seem to be enjoying yourself," he smiled and then continued to give the smaller blond a blow job.

"Wank off!" Arthur yelled, shivering. He let his head roll back, his eyelids fluttering at the pleasure. "Damn...French…Bastard!" His knees almost gave out, wanting nothing more than to be completely enveloped in the skilled officer's mouth.

He continued to help hold the Brit up and moved back up, kissing at Arthur's neck and then his lips, "oh come on, you like it," he purred and grinded against the smaller male, having way to much fun with this.

Arthur whimpered and grabbed the other's hips. "Bloody hell, why'd you stop?" He had wanted to come quickly so that the Frenchman would leave but based on the other's actions, he didn't think they would get through this very soon.

"I don't want you to cum so soon," he pointed out. Francis undid his shirt and started to undo his pants. The blond grabbed his handcuffs, thinking for a moment before tossing them to the side and taking his pants off all the way so he was only in his tri-colors.

Raising an eyebrow, Arthur sniggered. "You ever wear your country's flag? How…patriotic." But Arthur felt his cock twitch at the sight of the other's well-toned stomach.

"Something wrong with that convict?" He challenged, "Lots of countries are red, white, and blue." He took his police hat off, pressed his body close to Arthur's. He then went back to kissing at Arthur's neck, and started playing with his chest again.

"Oh, like Western Samoa!" He spat, once again struggling. "You're a fucking twit!" he finally managed to push the other off and bold for the door, not caring if he was naked or not.

"Yes, like Western Samoa," he agreed and rolled his eyes at being called a twit. Having a slight tumble back, Francis grabbed Arthur around his waist and pulled him back so Arthur's back was to his chest/stomach, his Simi-hard cock rubbing against the green eyed male's ass. "Oh no need to try and run."

Arthur groaned and tried not to push back against the other but his erection was now leaking pre-cum and needed release, badly. "We aren't going to…Standing up?"

"Something wrong with up against the wall? We are in solitary confinement after all, we really don't have a table," Francis continued to rub up against the Brit.

"Fine," Arthur pressed his stomach to the cold wall, "Just fuck me, you bastard," he begged, his mind clouded over with the growing ache in his abdomen.

"Oh, now you are just too willing," he tisked as he placed his first three finger in his mouth coating them with saliva. Once he was done he slowly inserted one finger into Arthur's tight ass, not wanting to hurt him too bad, and having no lube saliva was his only option.

"Fuck!" Arthur shouted, clutching at the wall. He didn't have the guts to tell Francis this was his first time having anal sex with another man. "It…feels good." He groaned, tightening his muscles around the other's finger.

"Relax." Francis cooed, licking the outer shell of Arthur's ear, then slowly pushed his middle finger in to join his index. Francis so badly wanted to just bury himself deep within the other blond, and finally something inside the Frenchman snapped, not bothering to prepare Arthur fully, Francis pulled his fingers out and thrusted himself deep within Arthur, groaning at how tight he was.

Arthur's voice cracked as he let out a scream of pain. "Oh my god!" the wall provided a little support but Arthur wanted to collapse, his body protesting against the othe's throbbing cock, now buried deeper inside than Arthur thought possible.

Wrapping an arm around Arthur's waist to keep him upright. Francis didn't move for a few moments as he adjusted to how tight Arthur was.

Arthur's breathing came out in short pants and he turned his head slightly towards his officer. "Are you happy now?" The pain was slowly changing to pleasure, however, so Arthur really knew he couldn't complain.

"Non, not really," he smirked before he caught Arthur's lips in a kiss. After a moment he pulled away from the other. "Finally he pulled out of Arthur slowly and slammed himself back into the tightness that was Arthur Kirkland. Francis set his forehead against the other's shoulder as he groaned, he hadn't had a tight as like this in a long time.

"Ah!" Arthur groaned. He didn't want to beg but on, he wanted, "More!" He shouted closing his eyes as they welled up a little with tears.

Giving a small nod, Francis pulled back out and thrusted again, setting a slow rhythm. "Taking his hand, the only that wasn't hold Arthur up, Francis started to stroke Arthur's neglected cock.

Rubbing into the other's hand, Arthur gasped. As much as he hated one night stands, this was so much better. It was even more so as pleasure flooded through his whole body when Francis hit a particularly sensitive spot. "Bloody hell!"

Hearing the other yell in pleasure Francis aimed for the spot again, the sound the male made, it was like music to his ears. "Oh god you are so tight." He groaned as he kissed at Arthur's neck.

Arthur nodded, unable to find words. The Frenchman pounded and pounded, sending Arthur to the edge of oblivion. "I-I can't!" he shouted and came. Spilling his seed in the other's hand and nearly crying in shame.

Felling the other cum into his hand, his body shivered in pleasure as Arthur tightened around him, and shortly after the British man, he reached his climax. Panting, he leaned his head against the other's shoulder again.

Damnit…" Arthur tried to catch his breath. If the situation had been different, Arthur would admit this was the best sex he ever had. Slowly he pulled off the Frenchman and painfully drug himself over towards the clothes. "Don't you dare say anything to anyone…" Arthur warned watching Francis grin. "And don't expect this to be a regular thing." Although if it did happen again…no, Arthur didn't dare think about that.

Francis watched with a smile, walking over to his own clothes and started to get dressed, "So next Tuesday won't work?"

Before Arthur was able to yell at the Frenchman, the door was kicked open, by a woman, he was dragging officer Tony and a half naked Gilbert behind her. The chief looked sourly at the French sex addict, "Francis, really again?" she questioned, she couldn't leave these idiots alone for a night without them doing something like this.

Tony gulped, pitying them all and asked, "So, Elizaveta? Does this mean no more slushies?"

* * *

><p>AN: Hope you enjoyed! Please review and remember children, say no to drugs!

Love: M&M


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